Men’s Mental Health Month - My Story
I recently read a harrowing article provided by the CAMH. Key highlights:
- Men in Canada account for nearly 75% of suicide deaths
- Men die by suicide at 3x the rate of women
- Men are less likely to seek mental health support
It is important to understand the background into why this is happening. Of course, there is nuance to this topic, but in my personal opinion, societal expectations play a major role in why men are more reserved in regards to mental health. I fully understand why mental health is sort of a taboo topic for men. As men, we are natural born protectors, we feel a need to put others needs before our own. I am speaking from experience, I would always look out for other people and make sure that I can help quell their issues, big or small, even if it meant it would make my life a little more challenging because to me, I do not mind having to persevere a bit more if the people I love and care for are better off. I do not think this is necessarily a bad thing in a sense, it is okay to want to be a beacon of light for others, if that is naturally who you are. For myself, my sense of fulfillment comes from the fact of knowing I made somebodies day easier.
I wanted to preface this all to help those reading this understand my point of view and why I can understand these statistics. It is not something I have shared publicly, but recently I lost my long term girlfriend. Quite honestly I was blindsided by the situation. As I have had alot of time, maybe too much to reflect, I realize how naive I was. Leading up to this happening there was a lot of stresses in my life. While I am not going to get into them here, I now acknowledge that while I thought that I was present, I would hold in this stress I had so much that I would eventually explode and become very depressed. During these times I would remain available, but would not be myself, making it hard for her to understand why I could be so happy one day and down the next. While I have always been in tune with myself and am able to express why I am feeling some type of way, it took the biggest pain in my life to realize I would do nothing to combat my stresses. In hindsight I was content with myself, I felt secure and ignored this wonderful person’s suggestions on how to combat it.
Before this next part, I want to make a few things very clear - this person did absolutely nothing to hurt me. You could not ask for a better person to be around. So charismatic, bubbly and overall such a creative person who complimented me well. With her, she gave me a sense of confidence. I learned so much, it was great to be with a person who could take over a room with her character. She helped me come out of my shell. I do have to admit, there were many times I remained apprehensive to being more charismatic and for lack of a better word, extroverted in a sense. I always struggled with being nervous around people I don’t know. She just wanted to have somebody by her side and because of my own struggles sometimes I could not be that. I know this took a toll on her and I neglected that. When she decided she could no longer take it, I did not know what to do with myself. This fact, along with the other mounting stresses in my life that I won’t mention brought me to the brink of suicide. I am not proud to talk about this, but I had come up with my plan and everything. As I have mentioned in the past, everything started going right for me right when she broke off from me and I could not understand why. I was so angry that everything I was working for the past 5 years was coming true and all the stress I was under was going away right after she left. I was so angry with myself for letting this happen.
I now realize that everything started working out because I HAD to do something now. I was no longer able to be content. I can’t act like I feel any better, because I don’t. I wake up everyday miserable. Not angry, but miserable because of what I let happen. This best analogy I can compare this feeling to is when you have a dream where you won the lottery and you wake up with that sunken feeling in your stomach. Now imagine that everyday for months on end, it is hell.
I know she would be proud of the progress I made. It pains me that she can not see it. It is honestly like night and day. While I was far happier before, I did not have the success I am having now. I would give up everything to go back in time with what I have learned from this experience and rectify the situation. I have not a single bad thing to say, honestly, these past 5 years were the most special and happiest of my life. I am very sentimental and so the small things are what kill me the most everyday. All I can hope is that she is having the success that I always told her she would have because that is what she deserves.
Anyways, I thought it was important for those who have followed along with my journey understand why this topic means something to me. I know what it is like to feel like there is no other option. I know how it feels to stuff your emotions deep down and hope for the best. I know how it feels to lose the greatest blessings in your life. I know how it feels to be suicidal. My goal for this post is not to get pity, I don’t need that, but rather really open up and give an in depth look at why men make up the majority of suicides. For any man reading this post, I hope you can use my story to help shape your future and learn from the horrible mistake I made. Always remember to be open and honest with those around you. It is okay to be a natural born giver, but you can not pick a perfect fruit from a dead tree. Hold yourself to the same regard you hold others in and good things will follow.
Have a good weekend
-Mike
